You may be asking yourself; “What exactly is stonewalling?”
In basic terms it is when someone is having an argument or a heated discussion and simply walks away. Many times, this technique is used when the person feels overwhelmed or unheard. So, instead of continuing the conversation they simply walk away until they can collect their thoughts or cool off.
In some cases, this is a good technique when a conversation is one sided. However, many times the other party you walk away from can feel hurt or unheard.
This seems to be a very common thing these days, especially considering our current environment. We are faced with dealing with those closest to us on a 24-hour basis with very little breaks in between. As humans, we crave connection with people, and we need interaction with friends or other family members outside of our close-knit fold. But this can be difficult in our current situation with the COVID sanctions. So how do you cope? How do you have a healthy conversation without stonewalling?
Here are some tips that might help:
If the conversation is getting heated simply state that you have to walk away to collect your thoughts so that you can respond appropriately.
Do a cool down routine where you take a bowl and fill it with ice. Both parties stick their hands in the ice for several minutes. This allows you to cool down, not only physically, but mentally as well.
Use the sort of break to practice a few calming breaths or get in touch briefly with the calm you feel if you are a regular meditator and let that shift your emotions for you.
Call a time out where you can both collect your thoughts and come back to the conversation when the emotions have subsided.
Many of these tips can help you stay sane during a time of insanity. I also recommend that you take a break from hot topics such as politics or finances. Another option is writing what you truly want to say and then shredding it can help you release the emotions without hurting the other party.
In today’s day and age, it’s even more important that we work on our listening skills and try our best to take the emotions out of the picture all together. Now I get how difficult this can be, but some of the above tips may help you to keep your family life a much healthier one for all.
Here’s to your health,
Carolyn Osborn
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P.S. Our newest program Healing and the New Normal is designed to support you being able to move forward during these stressful times.
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